Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ is back again with another exciting post. Many of you, much like the worlds top players are coming off of a well deserved summer vacation. The tennis action has been decent, but the real action does not heat up until the ATP Tour visits Toronto on Monday. Then, it's about 30 straight days of tennis including the US Open! Isn't that what late summer is all about? Tennis, Tennis, and more Tennis?
Actually, there are a few other things summer brings us. For some, its the stressful family vacation, oppressive and exhausting heat, rising gas prices, the increased cost of summer utility bills with the A/C cranking, and dealing with kids all summer. For everyone else, including Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ summer is about wild international adventures to lands of gorgeous women, raucous sweaty sex, thinking of ways we can reduce our carbon footprint, and definitely not having to deal with kids.
Which brings us to an idea that Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ has been developing.
SimpleEnergyXchange™
Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ has often wondered why we rely so heavily on unsustainable resources and harsh fossil fuels. There is nothing attractive or glamorous about these resources. Except for the fact that after the BP Deepwater Horizon explosion and oil leak that a little oil coated pelican was a pleasure to cook and eat. Chef's tip: a zesty cilantro-mint sauce with a fresh corn puree goes great with this bird!
Depletion of these non-renewable sources of energy is taking place at a rapid pace because of the increasing demands of energy, with the modernization of our society. However, the time required for production of fossil fuels is millions of years. So, there is not enough scope to renew the sources of fossil fuels and therefore, it is high time that we start looking out for some renewable sources of energy that can be used as alternatives to fossil fuels.
In the U.S., 65% of our electricity and close to 100% of our transportation energy comes from fossil fuel sources. This creates a major drain on our wallets, as well as creates pollution that, no matter your thoughts on global warming, is more than a little worrying. Fortunately, the Earth has the resources to allow the global community to climb free of fossil fuel dependency. It's just a matter of putting in the effort. And I think this is an effort everyone should want to get involved in.
This is why Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ is pushing the idea of...
Simple
Energy
Xchange
You heard correctly. Sex energy as fuel. Think about it. Each time a a couple decides to have sex, they simply hook up electrodes (artfully decorated to enhance the mood of course) to their a isolated part of their bodies, these electrodes will be hooked up to a small power box converter. This converter will store the energy created by the arousal and sexual activity. These converters could then be sent to the energy company, in exchange for a cheaper energy bill, depending on how many times you do the deed.
The science and physics behind it are simple...
Friction=Heat=Energy
Excretion=Lubricant=Sliding Piston.
Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ has also done extensive research into how much energy is being used during sex. The burning of calories certainly vary due to the activities, and the cooperation of both parties. Here is what our extensive research has indicated.
The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 574 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for calorie loss and energy production. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.
Normal size 22 calories
Oversize 15 calories
Tremendous 8 calories
Teensy-weensy 163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season) 124 calories
Locations
On a bar stool 20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing 7 calories
Sliding around 9 calories
Serious Skidding 12 calories
Full cartwheel 20 calories
Whiplash 27 calories
Knee burn 6 calories
Chafed elbows 5 calories
Chafed nose 11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories
Wheezing (For Asthmatics) 5 calories
Squeals 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning 11 calories
Low growling 8 calories
Squishing 10 calories
Shouting 16 calories
Screaming 18 calories
Urgent begging 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.) 25 calories
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go 5.5 calories
Controlling yourself 79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back 11 calories
Trembling 15 calories
Shaking 20 calories
Shuddering 25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories
Orgasm
Real 27 calories
Faked 180 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple 15 calories
Orchestra swelled 6 calories
Magical explosions 10 calories
Blazing Sheets 25 calories
Earth moved 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin 60 calories
Pulling Out
After orgasm 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm 500 calories
Multiple Orgasms
For women:
2 14 calories
5 30 calories
8 47 calories
(Depending on greed, The rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 10 orgasms within a 1 hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2 21 calories
3 39 calories
4 57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with deep coma and irreversible brain damage.)
Special Orgasms
Clitoral. 15 calories
Vaginal 21 calories
Penile 21 calories
Scrotile 15 calories
Rectal 25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning 6 calories
Palpitations 10 calories
Shortness of breath 5 calories
Perspiring 8 calories
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny disposition 1 calorie
Recovering
Un-entwining 3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.) 7 calories
Standing up 9 calories
Getting some juice 11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest.
This "rest" may include snoring.) 18 calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.) 32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.) 12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot 80 calories
Trying Again
If the woman is ready 5 calories
If the man is not 456 calories
Dreaming
Regular dream 2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 10 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 30 calories if your partner notices 15 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.) 20 calories
Group Sex
Introducing yourself 3 calories
Overcoming shyness 8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly 4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly 62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are) 16 calories
Mixed doubles 26 calories
Being nice to everyone 100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a post graduate degrees.) 10 calories
Finding your clothes 5 calories
Masturbation
For pleasure only 6 calories
For exercise, too 10 calories
For relief from tension 12 calories
To pass the time 7 calories
To avoid overeating 16 calories
To get in touch with inner self 10 calories
To get in touch with outter self 10.5 calories
To avoid insanity 24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, binges,
masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.) 9 calories
Using your hand(s) 11 calories
Using your finger(s) 9 calories
Using tweezers 2 calories
Using an inflatable doll 44 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley) 19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated 12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup 9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric 5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here 50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket 2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat 78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat 3 calories
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did 4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do 8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual 10 calories
Climaxing too soon 5 calories
Climaxing too late 6 calories
Not climaxing 20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object 9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object 47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm 88 calories
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm 6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field 8 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak 25 calories
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse 60 calories
By your spouse 60.5 calories
Trying to explain 165 calories
Stuttering 28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded,
or narrow-minded and armed) 40 calories
Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm 110 calories
Fright (includes trembling) 66 calories
Leaping out of bed 25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion 300 calories
Thanking partner quickly 2 calories
Jumping out of window
(add 10 calories if window wasn't open) 15 calories
Landing 1 calorie
Running very fast 100 calories
Imagine all the energy produced during these acts. Now, look at your most recent electric bill, imagine a fun, exciting, and exercise friendly way of going green!
I'm not personally going to advocate safe sex (unless you live in Africa) because it is a personal thing for everyone, however, I will advocate the use of controlling the world's population. Here's a video to remind you.
Roddick gets routed, feels weak. But for a good reason. (At least, I think so)
In the 3rd round of The Legg Mason Tennis Classic in Washington D.C. Andy Roddick was easily beaten by Frenchman Gilles Simon. Simon is a player that Roddick could easily dispatch on any other day. But on Thursday night, after the match, Roddick apologized to the press and claims that he has been feeling a little drained as of late.
"I didn't feel right physically," he said. "I didn't feel right mentally. It was a pretty bad effort." Roddick admitted.
“I’m a little concerned about that. Feeling lethargic and not all there energy-wise, that’s not fun for me. I don’t enjoy nights like tonight.
It could be something simple, maybe a vitamin deficiency. I promise you I’m going to figure this out before I do that again. That’s not what I built my reputation around".
“There is a reason that I haven’t been playing a lot. It’s because I’ve been playing like crap. I felt I didn’t do one thing right tonight. I honestly don’t think it would have mattered who I played.”
No energy? A vitamin deficiency? You would have lost to anyone tonight? Those aren’t confident statements just a few weeks before the US Open, and on the eve of consecutive Masters tennis events in Toronto and Cincinnati.
Let’s hope it is just a purple patch for Andy and not some internal, physical, or personal ailment (yes, the “M” word came to mind). Whatever the issue is with Roddick – health, strategy, married to an SI swimsuit model, etc. - he needs to address it promptly.
Although, being married to the SI Swimsuit cover model makes Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ believe his fatigue may be from supplying a little too much power using the Simple Energy Exchange idea addressed earlier.
If I was married to a swimsuit model, I don't think I would ever get out of bed with her, let alone force myself to travel to some distant city and play guys that just last year you were sleepwalking over to move to the next round.
(Many thanks to Sports Illustrated for the pics. Too bad they could not photo crop the belly button.)
Perhaps Andy and his wife Brooklyn are going green as well. But they are going green at a furious pace. I would love to see their electric bill. It better be awfully low. Too much sex is not a bad thing...unless you are bed springs, a sensitive back with fresh scratch marks, or a woman's urinary tract.
On a serious note, Roddick has confirmed that he will undergo tests to find out why he has been dragging in recent weeks. It was another disappointing loss for Roddick, who will drop out of the top 10 in the rankings next week for the first time in four years. Since winning in Miami in March, Roddick is 9-5 and hasn't defeated a player in the top 35. More alarming, each of those five losses has come to players ranked outside the top 30. Due to Roddick's loss, history will be made on Monday and for American tennis it’s not good. According to the ATP when the new rankings are issued on Monday, August 9, there will be no American men in the Top 10 for the very first time since the inception of the rankings on August 23, 1973. What's interesting, is that Roddick had commented years earlier that if he ever dropped out of the top 15 in the world, he would retire. This is surprising considering the toughness he has shown staying in the top 10 the last 8 years, as well as his huge fan base. I'll be the first to admit that I was not the biggest Roddick fan, but I'm hoping he gets through the rough patch and gets back to his winning ways...just don't beat Federer or Del Potro.
...And speaking of Del Potro!
Here is something that has not been seen in nearly 7 months...Juan Martin del Potro, on a tennis court, with a racquet in hand! Certainly great news for all fans. 
After missing almost the entire 2010 season with a wrist injury, the defending U.S. Open champion is back in training and posted a picture on twitter to prove it. The text along with it mentioned "smoothness" and how nice it is to have a racquet in his hand again. Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ can't wait for his return. He still sticks to his return at the PTT Thailand Open. I'm so looking forward to Bangkok! For the tennis of course.
President Barack Hussein Obama decides to help our national debt and finds solutions to the catastrophe that is the war in Afghanistan.
Our beloved leader did this by visiting Sam Querrey and the Bryan brothers, Mike and Bob, at the White House earlier this week during a promotional event for the USTA. Taking part in the USTA’s “Quick Start” and “Let’s Move” campaigns, Querrey and the Bryan twins were surprised when Obama made an unexpected appearance.“I didn’t expect to meet the President today. We stayed a little longer and he showed up out of the blue,” Mike Bryan said.
“Tennis has given us a lot and today it was nice to give back. It was a great experience and we’ll remember this day for the rest of our lives.” Bob added.
“It was very exciting to meet him. He thanked us for coming out and hitting with the kids. It was an honour to meet him and pretty exciting that he just popped in like that.” commented Querrey.
WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT! I'm so glad I was not involved. I would have been honest when asked my opinions. Why do these tennis players have to be so damn politically correct? Why can't they be honest and say what they really feel. Something like "We were on the south lawn, and the guy that is supposed to be controlling our country is frolicking around rubbing elbows with us. Glad to see my tax dollars hard at work."
Fix the country. Once you do that, then you can act like a celebrity. 
Although, this picture of President Obama reminds me of the last time I was in D.C. It was a few months ago. I had a layover in Washington, and in the washroom at the airport I saw a handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the President!"..........There's nothing like "hot air" and the smell of crap to give you that true Obama experience!!!!
I must admit, writing this piece on Obama, I have uncovered some incredible similarities between him and another famous Illinois Political figure. Abraham Lincoln.
- Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminated private sector jobs.
- Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy.
- Each man's wife gained over forty pounds while living at the White House.
- Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama hid his head up his behind.
- Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater. Obama shot up while riding in a Lincoln made by Ford.
- Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators.
- Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly had an IQ of 67.
- Lincoln was born in KENtucky, Obama was born in KENya - before both moved to Illinois.
- Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression.
Serena...Gets Some! (Warning: Vomiting will begin shortly)
The tennis star held nothing back while dancing, cuddling and even kissing Gregory! Is this the start of a new relationship?
Serena Williams might have found a perfect partner after spending a very intimate night with TV star from "Greek" Gregory
Michael on Aug. 3 at the Power Balance Poker Tournament & Party for charity at Drai’s in Hollywood.
During a live performance from rapper "Flo-rida" (please don't get me started on the steaming pile of dog excrement that is rap) the couple was seen dancing in Serena’s personal VIP section. It quickly became intimate with lots of touching, cuddling and serious eye-to-eye contact when the 28-year-old tennis phenom decided to rest her medically braced right foot on the comfy leather couch.
This was 29-year-old Gregory’s cue to start hugging her and plant occasional kisses on her forehead. For the next two hours, Serena and Gregory were inseparable as they drank Grey Goose and cranberry, danced closely and romantically touched each other. Adding even more fuel to the speculative fire, Serena and Gregory also left early — TOGETHER!
Ok. Gimme just a minute. I'm almost done vomiting. Ok. I'm back.
Let me add another thing that I personally, and Tennis Tycoon Media Inc.™ does not like...
Public Displays of Affection! Or PDA's as young hipsters occasionally refer to it nowadays. Public displays of affection rank quite highly on my list of "Things I passionately dislike" I have as much disdain for "PDA" as I do for umbilicus!
Random Pictures with Smirky Comments!
(Thanks to my friends at BIGPICTUREPHOTO.com)
Nadal is in Toronto right now, but he should have stayed in Mallorca. Say "cheese"
Although this post has already been corrupted, I will show some discipline and not make a joke about the large phallic symbol (also known as the CN Tower) in Rafa's hands. 
Philippoussis was acting like a single man, out on the town in Los Angeles last week with a gaggle of beauties keeping him company, including one of his old party pals from Melbourne, aspiring actress and singer Chantelle Theos. D'DAY SHEILA! Keep in mind, they are now in L.A. Which means "aspiring singer and actress" really means waitress at TGI Fridays. But she is hot. Good job Mark. A legendary poon hound indeed.
I also guess this means his engagement is off with Actress Jennifer Esposito. NICE!
GREATEST.
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EVER!
Now go out and create some energy!
Simple
Energy
Xchange
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